Meet Kit.
He has opinions.
Maine Coon mix. Got the mane, skipped the memo on size. Resident critic, box enthusiast, and — as it turns out — a genuinely gifted writer.
Maine Coon mix. Got the mane, skipped the memo on size. Resident critic, box enthusiast, and — as it turns out — a genuinely gifted writer.
Kit is a character. A voice. A point of view. And characters — when they're done right — become something much bigger than the platform they started on.
"She moved the box approximately three feet to the left. She said she was vacuuming. I sat in the doorway for forty-five minutes. I wanted her to understand the gravity of what she had done."
"I do not experience Monday. I experience: the quality of light through the east window, the temperature of the floor, and whether my bowl has been filled to the correct level."
"Something is wrong with the hallway. I cannot tell you what. I am monitoring the situation. Update, 6:02am: The hallway appears to be fine. I am choosing to remain vigilant."
I am going to tell you what happened, and I am going to tell it plainly, because I think it deserves to be told plainly.
She moved the box.
The bedroom box. My primary residence. The box I have occupied for seven months. She moved it approximately three feet to the left. She said she was "vacuuming."
I sat in the doorway and looked at the box in its new location for forty-five minutes. I did not get in it. I wanted her to understand the gravity of what she had done.
At 9:40, I got in the box. It was still the box. The box was fine.
I have not fully forgiven her. But I am in the box. These two things can coexist.
— KitSection 1: Approach. Guests may not approach me. I will approach guests when and if I determine that approach is warranted. The timeline for this determination is mine alone.
Section 2: The Belly. No.
Section 3: The Name. Guests may say my name. They may not say it in a high-pitched voice. They may not say it repeatedly. They may not say it while making a kissy sound. I have feelings about the kissy sound.
Section 5: Exceptions. The guest who brought the bag that smells interesting is exempt from Sections 1 through 4, pending further investigation of the bag.
— Kit, Director of Household PolicyThe sunbeam arrived at 9:47. I was in position by 9:48. This is, I believe, a personal record.
At 11:19, the sunbeam began to move. I want to be clear about something: I understand, on an intellectual level, that the Earth rotates. What I do not accept is that this rotation should be allowed to interfere with my sunbeam without my consent.
I have raised this issue with Lynne on multiple occasions. She has not resolved it. I am beginning to question her commitment to my comfort.
— Kit, Solar PhilosopherShe woke up this morning with what I can only describe as a sense of dread. She looked at her phone. She made a sound. She said the word "Monday" in a tone that suggested Monday had personally wronged her.
I do not experience Monday. I experience: the quality of light through the east window, the temperature of the floor, the precise moment when the heating vent activates, and whether my bowl has been filled to the correct level. None of these things change based on what humans have decided to call the day.
I went back to sleep. I recommend this approach.
— KitKit is not on social media. He considers this a point of pride. (Currently reevaluating options — he has things to say.)
Free · Paid tier $5/month · "The Extended Dispatches — the unedited version, which Lynne usually makes me soften."
Not just a pet account. A character. And characters — when they're done right — become something much bigger than the platform they started on.
Kit has something to say about the website. He has reviewed it. He has opinions. He has decided to participate. Do not make it weird.
